At 9:06 a.m., an office printer produced page 1. At 9:07, it produced page 3. Page 2 never emerged. In most workplaces this is called a printer problem. Inside a federal building, it becomes a constitutional question before lunch.
INCIDENT REPORT
The employee resent the document. Same result. A colleague printed a restaurant menu successfully, followed by a spreadsheet and a photograph of a dog. Page 2 alone remained unacceptable to the machine.
Ticket opened: printer skipping page. Priority: normal. Priority changed to urgent after user wrote “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S ON PAGE TWO.” Technician reassigned ticket to someone else.
CASE 404-P2
WHAT WAS ON PAGE 2?
Nobody will tell us. This is less dramatic than it sounds because nobody will tell us what was on pages 1 or 3 either. Sources describe the document as “administrative,” a word government employees use when they want journalists to experience immediate fatigue.
THE PRINTER WAS REPLACED
By afternoon the device had been removed. Officials say it had a failing feed mechanism. We asked where it was taken. “Surplus,” we were told. Somewhere tonight, a discount office-equipment warehouse may know everything.