The cow came back before sunrise, standing in the same pasture from which it had disappeared two nights earlier. It was unharmed, freshly brushed and wearing a paper receipt around its neck. Rancher Dale Mercer says the return was appreciated. The paperwork was not.
ITEM: ONE COW
The receipt contains columns, numbers and a perforated lower section. None of the printing matches a known retailer. One line appears to indicate a 14-day return period. Another may be a restocking fee. Mercer is especially offended by a box that seems to rate the cow “acceptable.”
CONDITION ON RETURN
A veterinarian found no injuries and described the animal as unusually calm. The cow had also gained 1.8 pounds, which Mercer considers evidence of good extraterrestrial hospitality. The veterinarian considers it breakfast.
We attempted to call the number printed at the bottom. It contains seventeen digits and caused our office phone to make a noise nobody had heard before.
RETURN AUTHORIZATION UNKNOWN
Mercer has placed the receipt in a freezer bag and moved the cow closer to the house. He says he will not pursue a refund. “I just want them to stop treating livestock like library books,” he said.